March 1, 2012
Elysian Fields, Heaven
CONFIDENTIAL MEMORANDUM/(PTR – 030112-001C)
Fm: St. Peter, Gatekeeper
To: All Archangels, Administrative Law Angels and Entrance Referees
Re: Tempering Mercy and Andrew Breitbart
The following directive has been approved at the ‘highest level’; however, any inquiries should be referred directly to Christian Immigration spokesperson, Cantinflas, who will be available at Mexicandayofthedeadhumor@eternaladmissions.org outside regular processing hours. Andrew Breitbart arrived unexpectedly in our entry queue early this morning. His precise location and the likely timing of his case review remain unknown. Although no Saint, it appears unlikely that we can segregate him in Purgatory for more than a few months. All personnel should be aware that video cameras have been miniaturized to the extent where they can now be hidden in collar buttons or eye glass frames. Drones have shrunk to the size of hummingbirds, and can be secreted in a pocket or purse. Please advise all screening personnel to immediately review Breitbart’s Wikipedia entry on their new h-Pads, so graciously developed for us by Steve Jobs. This is a man who will be searching for the lax enforcement of our administrative rules.