Ninja Assassin
Starring Rain, Naomie Harris, Ben Miles
Directed James McTiegue
This week’s review is written using the song “Kung Fu Fighting,” written by Carl Douglas in 1974, a song that was also recorded by The Drifters, Bus Stop, and La Muerte.
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
This film was full of kung-fu fighting
Those cuts were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
For they fought in murky lighting
They were scowling Asian folk from a goofy compound
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It’s an ancient filmic tart and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and a-kicking from the hip
This film was full of kung-fu fighting
Wish they turned-up the lighting
In fact it was kinda nauseating
But it seemed to keep on unspooling
There was hunky Ninja Raizo and Master Ozunu
Razio crossed his Master boss, they got it on
He flung a stick and made a stand, dispatched his foes out of hand
The frenzied motion made me sick,
to the exit fast as a whip
This film was full of kung-fu fighting
It’s ending unsurprising
The Ninja confronts his Master’s chiding
And all with mystical biding
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
This film was full of kung-fu fighting
The blood was ample and spurting
In fact it was a little bit frightning
Surviving such harsh punishing
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Kung-fu fighting
Oh-oh-oh-oh
As choppy as Cuisinarting
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Weep on....weep on....weep on
Oh-oh-oh-oh....Nah, nah
Oh-oh-oh-oh........FADE
Doug Young is The Statesman’s award-winning film critic. He also works for Sen. Mark Udall as an environmental policy adviser.
