Superhero sloganeering

Captain America

Starring Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving, Hayley Atwell; Directed by Joe Johnston

Listen up prospective movie patron! Now is the time that all good citizens should affix their eyes to the movie screens. Your movie theaters — and Hollywood — need you! More to the point, Captain America needs you! Don’t miss out and let others see this film for you. You need to ten-hut and do your part. Still not persuaded? Well, divert your attention to these recruitment poster slogans that capture the militaristic patriotic spirit of the comic-book and resulting film:


Hollywood thinks moviegoers said
I WANT YOU
to convert yet another comic book superhero
into a special effects filmic extravaganza

Starting out as a scrawny 98-pound waif,
Captain America is told that he can
BE ALL YOU CAN BE
after he is transformed into a muscleman
through the magic of special effects

Captain America is helped by
THE FEW
who witness his superpower transformation,
THE PROUD
who are nonplussed about his powers and his exuberance,
THE MARINES
who join forces with him to defeat the baddie

Captain America is
ARMY STRONG
in that he possesses the superpowers of an entire battalion and cannot seem to get injured

Like all good superheroes, Captain America is imbued with
DUTY and HONOR to protect his COUNTRY
from a bad guy and a supernatural menace

Captain America becomes an
ARMY OF ONE
battling yet another baddie, a Nazi who happens to also have superpowers akin to the superhero

Of course, like all comic book superheroes,
Captain America is not
ALWAYS FAITHFUL
to the love interest, which provides all kinds
of tension and misunderstandings

And there is always some mysterious
supernatural power that makes
LIGHTNING FROM THE SKY,
THUNDER FROM THE SEA
here in the form of some blue energy bolts from a glowing handheld cube

Like all other comic-book superhero films,
our hero spends lots of effort to
SEEK
the bad guy so he can
ATTACK
him and
DESTROY
his plans for world domination

And there always seems to be some overpowering threat where the superhero must sacrifice himself
SO OTHERS MAY LIVE

Captain America adheres to the adage
PEACE THROUGH STRENGTH

The makers of these endless comic book
superhero films seem to say that when it comes to the creativity of the thrilling action sequences
THE IMPOSSIBLE WE DO EVERY DAY
but when it comes to story and character and plot
MIRACLES TAKE A BIT LONGER

And, like all special effect and fantasy films of its ilk, depicting the action in 3D was
NO MISSION TOO DIFFICULT,
NO SACRIFICE TOO GREAT
in terms of the loss of brightness, the queasiness the effect creates and the lack of any additive visual value

After so many comic-book superhero movies, Hollywood seems to have lost the ability to
LEAD
and instead seems to
FOLLOW
every comic-book superhero movie with yet another one,
and if you don’t like that, you option is to surrender
OR GET OUT OF THE WAY

The Colorado Statesman recruited Doug Young to be our film reviewer a decade ago. Since that time he has won two first place awards in the Colorado Press Association’s Better Newspaper Contests.