YOUNG: WANTED BY THE FBI
IMPERSONATION — IDENTITY THEFT
Photo by Courtesy of Warner Bros. – © 2011 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.
Aliases: “The Most Powerful Man in the World”; “G-Man”; “G(ay)-Man”; “Speed” (for his fast talking and fast delivery); “Daffodil”
A FBI (Film Biopic Impersonation) warrant was issued on November 14, 2011, in Denver, Colorado, charging this film with identity theft whereby Leonardo DiCaprio adeptly inhabits the role of Hoover with all of his quirks, passions and foibles (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 789). A warrant was also issued for violating drug laws in that J. Edgar promotes the view that power itself can be an abused aphrodisiac (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 125). An additional warrant was issued for violations of civil rights laws where J. Edgar shows Hoover taking the law in his own hands and bending the Constitution (such as regarding extraditions, privacy and searches) during times of social and political strife for his own ends and his fixation on communist insurgents and ideologies and other threats to the nation’s security (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 122). A companion warrant has been issued for Hoover's mother in connection with the psychological abuse — including acute judgmentalism, extreme pressure to succeed, and obsession with gaining social status and stature — of her son, which J. Edgar alleges explained Hoover's lust for power and fame as well as his repressed homosexual tendencies (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 14). Further infractions include fashion violations in that Hoover may have put on a dress in times of severe emotional stress and pathos (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 7), old age make-up malfunctions (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 8), and fashion nazism involving Hoover’s insistence that his agents be impeccably attired and conduct themselves as he would (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 9). A warrant was also issued for fraud and historical fabrication wherein J. Edgar depicts Hoover manufacturing his personal, heroic arrests of famous criminals, such as the purported Lindbergh baby kidnapper (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 554). A warrant was also issued for sexual perversion in showing Hoover’s obsession with the sexual appetites of others that he uses to blackmail them so as to keep himself in positions of power, bring down those he believed to be subversive, and helped him get what he wanted (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 69), as well as proving voyeuristic compensation for his own sense of homosexual (and sexual) repression (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 70). A further warrant was issued for the crime of overcompensating for personal inadequacies wherein Hoover created the criminal forensics lab as a way to get an advantage over the macho cops out in the field doing the dangerous, glamorous, and manly work of arresting, capturing and killing violent perpetrators (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 342). A further warrant was issued for violating cinematic “color” laws by depicting a flawed character in both a favorable and unfavorable light instead of in simple black and white terms (Title 18, FBI Code, Section 2).
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS FILM, PLEASE NOTIFY THE FBI OF ANY OTHER CINEMATIC TRANSGRESSIONS YOU MAY HAVE WITNESSED. CONTACT INFO IS LISTED IN THE MASTHEAD.
Doug Young is the film reviewer for The Statesman. He also works as an environmental advisor for Gov. John Hickenlooper.