Jay Fox's Dining Guide

FOX: WHO SED THERE’S A SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE?

“We think fast food is equivalent to pornography, nutritionally speaking.” — Steve Elbert

TODAY IS THE DAY TO RANT AND RAVE and chat about things on my mind. Much of it probably doesn’t make any sense, but that’s the life of a journalist while trying to complete tax returns.Y’all know that’s what I do to keep G in the style she’d like to become accustomed to.

I know that you won’t believe it, but every once in a while I find myself in a fast foodery: McDonald’s, Burger King or even Arby’s. G likes Wendy’s but what used to be hot and juicy has been cold and dry for a long time. Now they’re advertising that they’ve gone back to the hot and juicy, but I don’t remember when they announced that they weren’t going to serve them that way anymore. I don’t remember that ad that went something like, “We have discontinued the “Hot and Juicy” burgers cuz you don’t appreciate them and you, the American public” wouldn’t know the difference anyway, so from now on we will serve our burgers cold and dry.” Nope, don’t remember that ad.

Anywho, stopped in at McDonald’s the other nite. It was very late and I wasn’t into cooking myself something, and I had overdone the tuna sangies, so time for something fast. I ordered a Quarter Pounder, hold the cheese please. They still charge for cheese these days, but that was ok. But I wanted tomato and mayonnaise, nothing else. Except for the meat of course, I did want that too. But that’s another story. Ask me about Goodtimes. The burger sangie cost $3.49, but I had asked for tomato. That was $.50 extra. For a tasteless, ugly, pink/green/white in color tomato, $.50 extra. They had the chutzpah to charge a half dollar for that tomato. One tiny, thin sliver of an ugly, tasteless tomato. To top it off, I had fresh tomatoes on the counter at home. But I did get 2 ½ pounds of mayo for no extra charge.

Y’all should know to always check your order at any fast food place if you are taking it home, cuz it will be wrong when you get home. Arby’s has yet to get a to-go order right. And I’ve been eating there for almost 30 years.

Had a reader call to tell me a group of four had dinner at Oceanaire (1400 Arapahoe St, 303-991-2277; www.theoceanaire.com). Sed the food was ok, not quite to the level of good, and he didn’t think it was worth anywhere near the price he paid. He didn’t say how much, but he had to mortgage his house and sell his first born child and the family dog.

I’m glad I never find myself in those places. LOL. Actually, G is not above getting up and walking. Ask her about her casino dinner some years ago.

On the subject of great grub and reasonable prices, I’ve been to Café Bar (295 S. Pennsylvania St, 303-362-0227; www.cafebarcolorado.com) three times. While I’m not going into details today, cuz I have to eat there once for dinner, the food will blow your mind. It has quickly joined the ranks of the great metro Denver eateries, at least as far as the food and menu is concerned. If you haven’t had the mushroom perogies, you haven’t lived. But it’s the lamb ribs that are going to getcha. Check out the menu. Sure wish they’d serve bread and butter. The place is noisy, primarily cuz it’s always packed. Call for reservs.

Do advertisements drive you nuts? I luv See’s Candies, but they really need a new marketing guru. Years ago there was a full-page ad in the Rocky Mountain News. A very expensive, full page ad. This ad promoted the one and only store they had in Denver. Ok, that’s fine. But part of the ad in about 28 point type, was a notice to call their 800 number for the store nearest you. At the time there was only one store in Colorado. Duh?

I didn’t call the 800 number, but I did call CEO Charles Huggins. He cried for a while and then sed he would fix it. I guess he did cuz I never saw the ad again, but I did get a two-pound box of candies in he mail. Y’all know that See’s is owned by Berkshire Hathaway, aka Warren Buffett. Warren has a favorite steak house in Omaha. MFCIN (Muh Fav Cuz In Nebraska) took me there, was NOT impressed. Maybe Warren don’t know a good steak when he tastes it? Probably not Colorado beef.

Anyway. There’s this disclaimer on every box of See’s Candies regarding nuts. Sez any chocolate you buy from them may contain nuts or at least trace amounts of nuts. So what person allergic to nuts would ever buy See’s Candies? The answer should be no one. Good thing I’m not allergic. Give me a box of dark chocolate truffles with chocolate chips… so if you’re allergic to “trace amounts,” don’t buy anything from See’s. I would think it’s pretty simple to make a batch of good stuff, and then wash the vats or whatever before you make something with nuts. But that’s their problem, isn’t it?

Cya.

And that’s the culinary news this week from our restaurant critic, Jay Fox. Blame his crankiness on the time of the year. (He’s a tax guru.) You can reach him at jay@jayfoxcpa.com.