A review divided against itself…


Starring Daniel Day Lewis, Sally Field, David Strathairn, James Spader, Joseph Gordon Levitt; directed by Steven Spielberg

(With apologies to President Lincoln for changing the eloquent words expressed in his Gettysburg Address and Second Inaugural Address.)

2016 Reviews: Critic Man’s Cinema

2016: Obama’s America

A documentary about President Obama by Dinesh D’Souza (the author of a number of books critical of the President, including The Roots of Obama’s Rage and Obama’s America: Unmaking the American Dream)

Politi-Flix: Camp(aigning) against campaigns

The Colorado Statesman received the following press release from the campaign of the film The Campaign:

Attacks on The Campaign are no joke

Contact: Critic Man
Phone: KL5-5000
Email: Criticman@fake.email.com

The debate knowingly rises (sadly, again)

In 1999 at the time of the Columbine tragedy, The Matrix was released. Since that film depicted extreme violence and since the characters sported “cool-looking” dusters — long black trench coats that the Columbine killers also wore — many pointed to pop culture (violent video games, movies, heavy metal music, rap lyrics, etc.) as a source of the blame for the murders and mayhem.

Savage weed

Due to the nature of the film Savages, the following initiative was submitted to the Colorado Title Board for inclusion on the state ballot this November. Regrettably, it failed to get the requisite number of signatures as film critics were too baked to be bothered to collect them.

Cinematic alien immigrants

The following legislation has been introduced to help citizens immigrate into movie houses to see the films Prometheus and Men in Black III.

Cannes 2012: In the glare of the euro crisis


To: The 2012 Cannes Film Festival Leadership
From: A Supportive Fan
Date: May 14-27, 2012
Re: Rebuffing Filmic Austerity Measures

Critical (superhero) mass

The Avengers

Starring Robert Downey, Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston; directed by Joss Wheden

Bullied by Bully


A documentary about the tragic and painful effects of grade school bullying; directed by Lee Hirsch

I was bullied by the film Bully.

It gave me pink belly until I got nauseous with its unceasing jittery camera movements, as if it were filmed on an iPhone.


The Lorax

Starring the voices of Danny DeVito, Zac Efron, Taylor Swift, Ed Helms, Betty White; directed by Chris Renaud, Kyle Balda